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Everything You Need to Know

24 May

The heat was unbearable, the sun relentless.

The veteran of many adventures was starting to doubt his decision making process for choosing such a day to take his charges out on a mission. Maybe there was some truth to all the chatter lately? Were others really better suited to perform his duties than he was? Doubt rarely crept into his mind, but with the sun beating down on them all day and no shelter in sight, he was forced to ask himself this question.

“When can we stop for a rest?” asked his partner, a young boy with a sharp head on his shoulders and knack for knowing his surroundings. “I think the rookie needs a break and I’m not sure how much longer I have in me either.”

“I know buddy, I’m working on it,” said the veteran as he scanned the horizon for anything that could provide a much needed break from the searing glare of the sun. Not seeing anything, he next glanced down at the youngest member of his team with concern.

The little guy represented the newest addition to their group and was still providing frequent and difficult challenges to the veteran and his partner who had only known each other’s company for so long. Yet, for as much trouble that he brought to the dynamic, he equally provided laughter, energy, and a certain insight that could not be dismissed or ignored. He was a valuable asset to the team and the group was forever changed for the better with him on board. Everyone silently knew they wouldn’t have it any other way.

But at this moment the leader of the pack had much bigger problems to worry about. Finding shelter and contemplating if he was the best one to lead his team.

Countless times throughout their time together his partner had asked him, “But, how come you do it different?” A question often posed after completing a difficult task.

“It’s just the way I do it,” would be the reply. “There is more than one way to accomplish the same thing, and it being classified as the right way or the wrong way doesn’t matter as long as you are doing what is best for your team and to the best of your ability.”

“I guess. But you still do it different,” was his stubborn reply.

“Do you do everything the same way as the rookie?” the veteran asked.

“No,” said his partner shooting a glance at the rookie with a skeptical look in his eyes, knowing he was being backed into a corner.

“Think about the different ways you two clean up. You, being Mr. Particular, will take out only what you need from your pack and replace those items the minute you are finished with them. Your little understudy, on the other hand, will dump his entire pack out on the ground, use what he needs, and won’t clean up until it’s time to move out.”

“Neither way is wrong, just as neither way is exactly right,” the veteran concluded.

“I think I see your point. We each have our own way because we are different people, but as long as the job gets done in the end and works for the team, that’s what is most important,” the young lad mused as his older partner looked on with pride.

“That’s, uhh, that’s exactly correct,” said the veteran turning away, wiping his eyes.

“Tree!” exclaimed the rookie all of a sudden.

“He’s right Daddy. Look over there, I see the tree too.”

“Well I’ll be,” I said, letting out a sigh of relief. “Your brother has some pretty sharp eyes kiddo. Just like you.”

This post is my take on the “parent wars” currently going on in social media and society at large right now. The recent Time Magazine cover, while ridiculous in its intent, sparked some great posts and great discussions. I like to think the overall takeaway is that this parenting gig is hard enough without someone else telling you that their way is right and yours is wrong. We each do what is best for our families and we do it to the best of our abilities. Nothing less, nothing more.

After the birth of our first son, and just before we left for home from the hospital, one of the doctors said to us, “Feel free to call us if you have any questions, but he will tell you everything you need to know from here on out.” 

Those words will stay with me forever. Only you know what is best for your children, take your cues from them and trust your instincts. Be kind and respectful of other parents, because in the end we all need each other.

‘Brad the Dad’ can be reached at bradmarmo@gmail.com. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter at keyword: readbradthedad

This article originally appeared on Chelmsford Patch on 5/19/12.

Past adventure stories: Race to Snow Mountain, Intruder at the Outpost, A Prisoner for Life, Just Another Day at the Office, The Early Morning Mystery Noise, A Battle for Health

 
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Posted by on May 24, 2012 in Adventure Story, Brad the Dad, Chelmsford Patch

 

Taking Time to Appreciate Mothers

15 May

Put down the flowers and back away from the box of chocolates.

What is this, “my first office romance” or marriage?  Marriage is war people, a box of candy or a rack of roses that take a whopping 20 minutes (at most) to order and carry to your car are not going to win on the battlefield.  This is real and it counts, so buck up fellas and get serious.

One thing I know for a fact about women is that they come to play.  They have expectations, they have long memories that catalog when these expectations are not met, and they sure as heck aren’t going to be satisfied with you spending 30 bucks on some contrived gift you picked up on the way home from work.

How can you prevail?  Here is the key to the whole thing – it’s Mother’s Day, not her birthday. (If your wife’s birthday happens to fall on Mother’s Day, please stop reading. I have no help for you.)  Gifts are for birthdays, and while fine as a supplement on Mother’s Day, they are not going to get the job done on their own.

The secret to success on this day lies in the name of the day itself. It’s about celebrating the special women in your life in their roles as mothers.  Defining that role can be complicated, but for me it’s about one thing – raising her children to the best of her ability.

This is by no means an easy thing.  It doesn’t just mean feeding them and tucking them in at night.  It means sacrifice, patience, kindness, rulemaking, following through with those rules, accountability, endurance, thoughtfulness, and much, much more.  It takes changing the bed sheets at 2am after your kid just threw up in their sleep because of the stomach bug.  It takes not breaking down and being strong for your child at the hospital while awaiting results from the doctor.  It takes cleaning the kitchen after spending 12 hours on your feet shipping the kids off to school, going to work, picking them up, making dinner, putting them to sleep, and everything in between.

It takes Mom.

Credit will always be given to the dads in this column, but in my world I like to call dads the foundation of the house while moms are the electricity.  For example – do you ever really think about the lights being on after the initial flip of the light switch?  No, but they are on doing their job regardless of your recognition.  That’s Mom.

Just last year we lost power to our house for 5 days.  After the first night we ended up getting a hotel room but I would go back often to check on things and sometimes try to will the power to come back on with my mind.  Not for one second during those visits did our house ever feel like a home.  It was eerily quiet, there was no warmth and there was no love.  Despite the house standing there on its foundation and 100% intact, it was simply not our home until the lights came back on.

That is the key component of Mother’s Day for me – appreciation for that which is taken for granted.  When you open up the snack cabinet and ponder whether you should have Cheez-Its or Oreo cookies, remember how they got there.  Teach your kids that even though they are sick and believe that the world should stop revolving because of their calamity, that their sheets and associated throw-up didn’t clean themselves.  When you sit back on the couch with a beer in hand and get ready to watch the playoffs with a smile on your face, don’t forget why that smile is really there.

Sure I will get my wife a few gifts for Mother’s Day and even buy a few to give from the boys, but none of that will compare to such simple acts as waking up with the kids, bringing her breakfast in bed, letting her go shopping by herself in the afternoon and maybe even providing her with time to lay out with a book if it’s nice.

But most importantly of all guys, tell her that you love her and appreciate all that she does – seen and unseen.

To all Moms of the world – we love you and appreciate you and thank you for all that you do.

‘Brad the Dad’ can be reached at bradmarmo@gmail.com. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter at keyword: readbradthedad

This article originally appeared on Chelmsford Patch on 5/12/12.

 
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Posted by on May 15, 2012 in Brad the Dad, Chelmsford Patch

 

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Discovering Dads in Social Media

08 May

“Don’t talk to strangers” is something we tell all of our kids and something that was told to all of us as kids.  Thus, I find it ironic that this very habit seems to be taking up some significant time in my life recently.

In just last week’s post I used the phrase, “…even your best intentions can have the complete opposite outcome of what you planned.”  At the time I was talking about teaching my 4-year-old to use the remote control backfiring on me because of his resulting DVR obsession, but now I’m using that same phrase to describe one of my favorite side effects of blogging – strangers.

Specifically, dad strangers.

I’ll be honest, my foray into writing stemmed from two things – my obsession with reading and my propensity for the epic email.  I’ve probably read a little bit before bed nearly every night since I was in 7th grade, and anyone who knows me can confirm what is universally known as a “Marmo email.”  Matched by only a few others that I know, the Marmo email is a very effective weapon in the war against poor sports’ arguments put forth by friends, political debates with colleagues, and closing business deals with hard to reach executives.

So, with those two things as inspiration, I figured I would try my hand at blogging and see what happened.  One thing that did happen, something that I never expected and was the complete opposite of what I intended, was meeting and appreciating other dads.  I never doubted that they were out there, but until you engage with them your brain doesn’t really think beyond that simple fact.  They are out there, done…now what’s for dinner?

But once you engage you realize that there are other dads in this world, those who are complete strangers to you, that tear up over the simple act of their kid jumping off the bed into their arms first thing in the morning, just like you do.  That they think passionately about what they would really do if anyone ever intentionally hurt any of their children, just like you do.

I’ve always known that my day-to-day friends who are dads think this way, otherwise they wouldn’t be my friends, but to know that complete strangers are this way was a pleasant surprise.  Sometimes you can slip and let yourself believe that the world is made up of the people you see on local news or read about online.  Thankfully this is not the case at all.

Great parents exist all across this planet, and as a dad myself, I’m happy to realize that great dads exist as well.  So far in my brief writing career I’ve met dads that play guitar with their kids, dressed up as Super Mario for their birthday, coach/attend their soccer games, stay at home while their wives bring home the bacon, recreate their family in Lego character videos, exercise and get back in shape in the name of their kids, and most importantly – love their kids as madly as I love mine.

While deep down I’m not surprised by their existence, I’m definitely supported by their actions.

Keep it up dads.  You inspire me not only to continue writing and make an effort to meet and engage new people, but more importantly you inspire me to continue being the best dad that I can be.

‘Brad the Dad’ can be reached at bradmarmo@gmail.com. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter at keyword: readbradthedad

This post was inspired by my friend Chris, otherwise known as Canadian Dad. I’ve never met him personally, but this open letter to his daughter on her 2nd birthday tells me all I need to know. Thanks for the inspiration Chris.

This article originally appeared on Chelmsford Patch on 5/5/12.

 
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Posted by on May 8, 2012 in Brad the Dad, Chelmsford Patch

 

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Parents: Celebrities Without the Fame

04 May

 
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Posted by on May 4, 2012 in Brad the Dad, there's something about Daddy

 

Don’t Read This Article Until Tomorrow

01 May

That’s not how it’s done anymore, is it?

Remember when things all happened at their predetermined times and accordingly to some semblance of order? Saturday morning cartoons come immediately to mind. The lead up and waking up to of Saturday morning cartoons for a young boy was something akin to an oasis in the middle of a desert for a thirsty traveler. You knew something was out there on the horizon, could see it “shimmering” in the distance, and when you finally reached your destination, it was pure ecstasy.

These days? We wait for nothing. Why? Because we don’t have to.

Personally, I blame Doc Brown and Marty McFly for this. They started the craze of getting what you want when you want it no matter what the consequences. Who cares about the potential evil reign of Biff Tannen or the integrity of the Space Time Continuum when true love is in jeopardy? It comes back to the age-old lesson of, “just because you have a time machine, doesn’t mean you have to use a time machine.” The worst part is that as these two 80s superstars get to play around with history, I’m still waiting for my hover-board.

This all comes to mind as I have the ridiculous joy of watching the NHL Playoffs with my 4-year-old son. He is into it, he has thankfully adopted my favorite team (NJ Devils) and we even drew up a playoff bracket to track the progress of all remaining teams. But, as Doc and Marty so casually ignored in their adventures, there is a downside to all of this.

The remote control. Or more specifically, control.

As a parent, you will quickly realize that even your best intentions can have the complete opposite outcome of what you planned. Teaching him how to use the remote seems harmless, right? Wrong. Potentially one of the worst ideas I’ve had in a long time. The problem lies with DVR and my boy’s perception of “live” TV.

He just doesn’t get it. He’d rather rewind just so he has something to fast forward. He wants control. He is missing the magic of the moment in lieu of the television being under his command. He cares less for what and why and more for when and how. The hard part for me is finding fault with something that I probably would have done myself when I was his age. Patience is not my strong suit and I can honestly see myself doing the very same thing as a kid.

But, the thing I’m trying to wrap my head around is if this is a bad thing or if it’s just… different. Not so much good, not so much bad, but simply different.

This is life these days. Whatever you want you got. The magic of waiting for Saturday morning cartoons is replaced by instant access to any program you want via YouTube, Google, or your favorite app. Remember when you had a question and had to remember said question until a time when you could ask a particular someone who might know the answer?

Now? Google it and the answer is yours.

But again, I can’t say that any of this is a bad thing. What we have here is unprecedented technology granting us access to everything and anything not requiring Level 4 Government clearance. Who knows what this will lead to? The next Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison might have that much more of an impact on the world because of this on demand availability of information. What if the next great software platform is something that takes a healthy stab at global hunger because of such unlimited, unimpeded access to information?

In short, the good thing about all of this is that if you can think it and imagine it, you can pretty much create it.

So, I’m going to officially declare my support for this new dynamic. My boy can have the remote and trick himself into believing he has control over the TV all he wants. Marty and Doc can rush through time wreaking havoc, messing with people’s lives all in the name of love and today’s geniuses can have access to whatever they want, whenever they want it.

Me? I’ll wait.

‘Brad the Dad’ can be reached at bradmarmo@gmail.com. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter at keyword: readbradthedad

This article originally appeared on Chelmsford Patch on 4/28/12.

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2012 in Brad the Dad, Chelmsford Patch

 
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