It was a feeling somewhere in my body, but I just couldn’t place exactly where it was. Was it in my head? My heart? My stomach? Or was it everywhere in my body and moved around and around from place to place depending on my scattered thoughts?
Was it in my head while I was having those “what if?” thoughts. Was it in my heart when I was longing for days past? In my stomach when all of the above became just too much and stressed me out to the point where I felt sick?
Thinking about the “big picture” of life has a tendency to do that to a person. I guess the one thing I know for certain about life is that it’s linear. There is no time machine, there is no going back, there are no do-overs.
You are here and that is it.
But is “here” where you are supposed to be? Did you make the right decisions? Should you have made a “left” at a point in time when you were supposed to go “right?”
These were strange thoughts for me to be having on a random Saturday night last week.
You know what it stemmed from? Knowing too much. You see, the problem with being connected to everyone you know via Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging is that you are connected to everyone you know via Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging.
What happened was, I asked for updates and pictures from the “Cousin’s Party” going on in New Jersey (the place where I grew up and where most of my extended family still resides) and thanks to social media, I got what I asked for and more. Pictures of my mom and dad, brother and sister, cousins and signficant others, friends and aquantances all having a grand old time.
Drinks were in hand, conversation was flowing, and smiles were on everyone’s face.
Quick background on my family from New Jersey – there are alot of them (us). They get together often no matter what the occassion, and there is no shortage of love to go around. For example, about once every two months we make the trip there so everyone can see our kids and so our kids can stay in close contact with their Jersey cousins. My mom typically has an open invitation “viewing” at her house with coffee and snacks, and well, anywhere from 40 to 60 people might show up between relatives, friends, and neighbors.
Thanksgiving? We have almost 90.
And I can’t even begin to tell you how much I miss this.
So as I processed these thoughts this past Saturday night, as pictures and messages blew up my phone every few minutes and I longed for the days of throngs of cousins at someone’s 4th birthday party, I got that familiar feeling. I wondered if I made the right decisions in life by moving to Masschusetts to be with the woman I will spend the rest of my life with to start a family of our own.
Then, there was this point when the house became quiet, my phone stopped buzzing, and I thought about everyone sleeping soundly upstairs in our warm and cozy home filled with love and happiness, and I knew the answer without even a fraction of doubt.
My wife and I are blessed with the two greatest gifts in the world, and I would not change a single decision, left turn, right turn, or mistake that brought me to this point.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
This article originally appeared on Chelmsford Patch on 11/19/11.