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The Morning Adventures of a Toddler

11 Apr

What speed shall I go today?

Slow and steady? Smooth and easy? Brisk but cautious?

Oh yeah, that’s right – I’m 1 and a 1/2 years old and have a big, new world to explore; full steam ahead is the only option. That is, until I crash… which is pretty-much-done at full speed anyways, so scratch that. Nonstop all day long is officially on the schedule and there is no sense waiting any longer.

“Mmmaahmaa! Mmaaaaa? Mmmaahmaa! Mma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!”

Works every time.

Hello, young lady. Any chance we can avoid the diaper changing thing this morn… aww come on. Okay, but you know how this works. I’m going to scream at the top of my lungs and try to turn over on my stomach and if that doesn’t work, it’s hand-in-diaper time. Genius isn’t it? Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Fine, you won this round, but I really didn’t make that easy for you did I? By the way, how did you know my hand was coming? I have to keep my eye on you from now on.

Enough of this. Put me down, put me down, put me down right now. I have places to explore and stuff to put in my mouth. Yes! Thank you. Now, let’s see… the toy room? Nah. Just toys in there. The kitchen? Nope. I’ll take the pots and pans out of the cabinets later.

I know, I got just the thing. The dog bowls. Mommy never likes it when I touch them, but she is in the kitchen right now, isn’t she?

I better run.

I really don’t see why the dog makes such a fuss about these things? If she thinks the brown stuff in this one is food she has another thing coming. See, look… it doesn’t taste good at all. What? No! Don’t pick me up. I was just showing everyone how bad this stuff tastes. You should be thanking me.

Great, she put me in the toy room. What am I supposed to do in here? Okay fine, the train tracks are back together again so I’ll just take them apart like so. These small cars need to go back where they belong over there in that Lego bin. All of these blocks should be thrown around the room like we did yesterday, and this cup of crayons wasn’t here before so let me put them in my mouth and make sure they are safe for everyone.

Mission accomplished, time to head to the kitchen.

I better run.

Oh, directly into the high chair is your plan, eh Mommy? Works for me, I’m hungry. Again. I should smush these eggs between my hands and then smear some ketchup all over my tray before I put any in my mouth… perfect. Half of this toast should be fine and I’ll leave the soggy leftovers for whoever is hungry later. A little bit more of this milk… and-well, that was fun. I put most of it on the floor for you Mommy, but I got enough in my belly to be good for the next hour or so. Can you get me out of this chair? It’s time to go to the bottom of the stairs and yell to see if my brother is up.

Aaah, free once again. Now, let’s go see about sleepy head. I better run.

Not up yet? Weird. What do you people have against the 5 o’clock hour? Wait, what? Getting changed again? But why? I really didn’t drink any of my milk at breakfast because someone threw it on the floor and after that I ran around for a few minutes, but surely I can’t be wet again… oh yeah. That. I did that over by the stairs after I was done yelling for that lazy kid to wake up… I forgot about that.

See, that wasn’t so bad this time was it? We laughed, we cried, but we got the job done. Now it’s time to get back to the action. Hey, hey, hey, look who finally decided to join us? Mr. Sleepy Pants.

Listen buddy, glad you’re awake. I have to show you what I did to the toy room.

We better run.

‘Brad the Dad’ can be reached at bradmarmo@gmail.com. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter at keyword: readbradthedad

This article originally appeared on Chelmsford Patch on 4/7/12.

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Posted by on April 11, 2012 in Brad the Dad, Chelmsford Patch

 

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